the coastergirl diaries volume five

i ought to be mowing the lawn for the last time in this house rather than telling you this story-

we we're playing the eye game. that's what she calls it. she's trying to discern the thoughts from my mind by looking into my eyes. she is getting better. she hasn't figured out how to keep what she learns to herself until the time is right. she just spouts it. this scares people. but she is definately getting better. i need to teach her how to turn the lightswitch of her mind off so others can't see in but that's later.

this was everynight for us. if i had to do other things, i did them, then went back to her. she was a sponge. she soaked it up, then filtered it out, took what worked for her, and discarded the rest. this is the most important lesson a person can learn. and the most difficult to teach.

then she wanted to introduce me to her friends. they all knew about me and had this (i've since learned) christ image of me. and christ is one thing i certainly am NOT. some liked me, some didn't, but all of them had an oppinion before they meet me. [this happens to me alot] coastergirl told me about a conversation with L.

L: what's happening to you?
C: i'm happy.
L: but, you're losing your grip on reality.
C: but i'm happy. what's wrong with that?
L: ...

caostergirl was reading the story of b by daniel quinn. another book i suggested. she marked it up more than any of the others. then we were sitting on the porch at work and she got quiet.

me: what's wrong?
her: are you B?
me: (laughing) no.
her: are you sure?
me: yes.

then wednesday hits and we're sitting in my car in fron of work talking baout an old friend that i haven't seen in years and she gets this real scared look on her face. [ i can always feel when this is coming]

her: are you on his side?
me: no.
her: are you a liar?
me: no.
her: are you the antichrist?
me: god, no.

she gets more and more scared then leapt out of the car crying and drove home. i didn't hear from her for two days. it was the first time since we met that she hadn't called in even one entire day.

when she did call she told me what was bothering her.

her: i was scared of you all the sudden. i don't know why. i thought you were the antichrist.
me: i'm not.
her: i know. it was stupid. what scares me now is that you could [as in, have the potential] be.
me: but i'm not.
her: i know. you protected me from him while i slept.
me: i'm glad.
her: me too.

so she had felt the fear. it comes to every spiritual journeyor at some point. i was glad it was me she had been afraid of rather than someone else.

then she was calling me everyday again.

march and we're sitting on her parents' couch. i had just met them for the first time. we had watched letterman and her parents went to bed. then her hands were on me. clothing flew and we were naked on her parents couch. she was laying horizontal across the couch, across me. her ass was on my crotch. she was sliding up her head off the end of the couch. i knew what she wanted. she was sliding further down the couch. my face was at the side of her stomach and i could smell her. wet and hot. like a spa refuge from all the world that needed a guest to be complete. i slid her leg over my head and tasted her.

afterwards:

her: who needs adam?



2002-09-22 | 2:47 p.m.
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