sweeter than anything

was watching the wind and falling low asleep awake it all matters only in increments i kow the worldis crumbling and putting itself back together jagged peices outwards laying in the sunlihgt we're all off our axis, we're all out of our minds out of our skins, i miss it raining yesterday.

and now it's cold, it's so goddamn cold i can feel my gums chattering teeth against each other, i should have brought a fucking coat should have brought the rest to light threw it out there for you to chew on for awhile, you might have liked the way it sounded, you might have liked what i was going to say but i left it there in almost-said land with all the other things our children forget to believe in.

i was a child but now i'm here watching the wind and falling half asleep, my coffee is cold and i am draining of energy. it feels so hot inside to be so cold outside.

i'd like to drip in tiny fragment hot metallic across the earth and feel all the sensations feel all the doors open close move in crooked ways angles it is so funny and charming so dark and lustful.

we're all looking for ways to keep from moving forward stop progression that seems to be the secret we've found seems to be the door we've opened and i hope we're happy with the breeze coming in.

i'm sitting now, hours after the wind and drinking a cold coors waiting patient for the feel of drunkeness the best way to mean it is always.

i can feel nothing now no air no movement the earth is still and quiet and i mean no harm. i'm not exactly the salvation army santa though either, i'm just here and there, tapping on the window of your mind wondering if you can hear me anymore wondering if it matters.

i miss mattering. i miss wanting to matter. i miss all the colors that fall from the sky in colorado, but mostly i just miss you.

i was thinking watching the wind today and i thought of the way the moonlight hit your arms when they were around me.

i miss your touch. i miss you.

but i can't be against progess anymore.

so here i am. waving low, saying goodbye to all the truths and dreams and fantasies we lived out in cars and in grass and on playground equipment. i don't miss those things. i miss missing them.

i miss missing you.

sometimes it's hard to picture your face, even now, after all of this, after the hell and road and long dark alley i've walked i can feel the serpents crawling across my brain trying to pull your face into my mind. but not here. not here can i remember those things, those silly stupid details. i remember the way you breathed and the sound your barefeet made on tile, but not the color of your eyes.

i love you now more than ever. but it's real now. i love you no more than any other woman or man on this long planet, flat or not. i love you in the way that jesus loved tiny children. i love you in the way that the tiny children loved him back. in that sacred holy way one should always love another. in that way we do when we're not caught up in coarse de4tails and silly commentary and the color of your labia or the taste of your juices or the curve of your hips of the feel of your tongue across the head of my penis. i love you now, but real and forever.

2002-12-04 | 9:48 p.m.
0 comments so far