easy come easy come easy come down

i miss having someone who always wants to hear from me. being able to not call for two days then call eight times the next day. i miss having a voice i always wanted to hear. a song i always wanted playing because it made me think of the way she tilted her head or the way she leaned in barely when she told me she loved me. i miss having someone that certain albums meant something to. i miss that something being me.

i miss thinking about someone in a sexual way and knowing that soon it would come to pass.

i miss being familiar with someone's body and knowing that they are familiar with mine. i miss not hating myself. i miss not thinking that people are just tolerating me. i miss having a phone number i always loved dialing. i miss waking up in the middle of the night to the phone ringing and seeing that number on the caller i.d.

i miss having someone i can randomly kiss on the neck without negative reprocusion. i miss laying naked next to someone and having the only that bothers me be that it took me all day to reach that point. i miss answering the phone to someone saying "why aren't you here? don't you know i can't make it without you?" i miss being laxadasical with someone and knwoing that it's okay. i miss burning cigarettes into my arm to make a point.

i miss having someone be mad about that.

i miss smiling when i go to bed because i know i get to wake up looking at her face. i miss faltering to sleep despite my best efforts to stay awake just so i can watch her sleep.

i miss wanting to merge my body completely with her. i miss living with the sole goal being to look into her eyes. i miss hoping i would dream about her because it would be too hard to go eight hours without seeing her.

i miss not giving a fuck what anybody thought. i miss not wondering if everything was a lie, if every gasp every smile every phone call wasn't for the purpose of breaking me.

i miss not caring if people were trying to break me. i miss not thinking it would be simpler to die. i miss hoping someone would just show up at my house and never being disapointed.

i miss being jealous when i could see how much other people wanted her. i miss not being able to deal with the idea of her lips touching someone else.

i miss writhing in bed knwoing someone else was touching her. i miss having something to writhe about. i miss being in anguish over the idea of her crying. i miss having someone tell me they love me and mean it. i miss being conflicted. i miss knowing that if i was going to die laying bloody ont he side of the road after an accident waiting on an abulance that would come to late and having only the strength left to ask some bystander to call her and tell her i loved her. i miss not needing anything but love. i miss driving away pissed becasue she fell asleep when i was trying to talk to her.

i miss having someone tell me that my relationship with her was over, that my time of being in her life was done and that the sooner i could deal with it the better off i'd be.

i miss having someone that could leave me. for my best friend. i miss being brokenhearted by that but still being able to call her. i miss having someone that never bought their own cigarettes. i miss having someone that always wanted me to sit next to the,. i miss putting my fingers on the skin of someone's back on the dip between her angel wings and knowing that sex or no sex it'c nice to have been able to touch them. i miss having someone that if you touched them too tenderly that would shiver and laugh saying it tickled. i miss only caring about one person ultimately. i miss it because it was easier.

2002-12-25 | 9:53 p.m.
0 comments so far