lovesong for humanity

i'm sitting here, scattered thoughts swirling high in tree branches and love letters never written, never meant.

what if it never rains again? will there still be time to save my soul? what if i can never tell them all that i love them? what excuses will i have in my defense?

i'm thinking about things you say, do, the way you move.

i'm thinking how i never did it right all the time. how enough was never enough never too much it was all going in circles.

but i am trying.

i'm trying to be better about not talking. i'm trying to be better about telling the ones i love that i love them. i'm trying to be better about not going overboard, underboard, ending up under the weather. i'm trying to be better about not trying.

i'm trying not to try.

so here i am. these careful silly things that lock themselves in boxes watching masses cheer and clap and love and hate and fear and grow old in life. and i know now. i don't need a man ringing a bell to remind me to help those with not enough. i don't need an alarm to remind me to love the ones i'm with. i don't need a man on a cross to remind me to love everyone. i don't need a man with crossed legs to remind me to detach from my seeming needs. i don't need anything now. except to let you know that i love you.

and i think the time may or may not come. i don't need to be reminded that the sky above me can never split, that no tsunami, no tidal wade of hate can take me to the place where i don't love you and hope you always do well.

i'm watching the cars of my mind float by. absent callers. and i know suddenly the things i love about it all.

i love it when it's too cold in my apartement when i wake to move about. i love it when i'm wakened three am by a call for someone i've never heard of (it makes it easier to remember that someone had this number before me and before them and before them). i love it when the autumn leaves fall across my body. but i don't need them. i don't need them to put my name tag on. i don't need them to cry for my ails. i don't need anything anymore to build my mind and set it free let it go let it fade and twist around the earth tiny particles of time falling into my palm and disapearing all the way to you. i don't need time to know i love you.

and i've never met you, never will mostly likely. but i love you now.

so maybe you need a friend. maybe you need someone to smile at you and tell you it will all be alright. maybe you need someone to cry through "powder" with. maybe you need someone to laugh at. i can play the clown for you. for all of you. i can play the fool's song whenever you need me.

and maybe you just need a friend. someone to close you eyes next to and rest. mayber you just need a few hours rest. maybe you just need someone to sit next to you across from you across the world across the room from you, maybe you need to know you're not alone. that you'll never be alone again.

maybe you need to know that someone's here, that there's love for you.

i will droip the clouds of my mind anytime at any moment for you, now.

i will lose my place in the whatver-happens, happens- h.o.v. lane of life and slide in next to you. i'll fill your extra chairs anytime.

just to be there. just to watch that face of yours, all the faces of yours, all the moments i never saw or heard about and maybe just once, draw a tear of joy and leave it laying on the bedstand for yoiu swallow when you're drowning.

if you need a little love i'll be here. waiting where you knwo i always am, causing mischeif in the dog-eat-dog system.

i will wait all eternity to make sure every last one of you can have a smile to place in your pocket and pull out every time you feel alone. every time it all stops making sense.

i want you to know, i need you to know. now. i love you.

i would give my life for you.

2002-12-25 | 10:24 p.m.
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