ballad of a non smoker

i knew this guy. he used to suck his fingers all the time. up to the scond knuckle, i mean. he'd just sit there with his fingers in his mouth talking in garble trying to get phrases out. all his phrases sounded memorized.

he was afraid of everything. he called everyone "friend". it was really desperate the way he did it, though.

i remember being at a party where he drank too much and was throwing up all over the sofa. i was out of my gourd to and i remember him finished up the last of his mess making and then folding his fingers right back into his mouth. i thought he might chew them right off.

i had met him through a mutual friend who'd gone to grade school with him. i only saw him occasionally at places we both just happened to be. i was always drunk then. i wasn't doing too much ont he drug front, though, just drinking heavy. i mean real heavy. i felt smooth as the end of the world when i was drunk.

i drank alot of wine. as i remember he always drank tenessee whisky. and skye vodka. i drank box wine. it was a sweet little fairy tale knowing him.

his friends said he had done too much acid. or dxm. i can't remember.

one time i hit him. not real hard, just a slap. i was hammered and falling all over the world and he was there, looking at me, sucking on his goddamn fingers. i told him to stop. he told me i wasn't god, so i slapped him. i felt sore as hell about it later though. i drank that off too.

i didn't see him much after i chaged crowds. i'd all but quit drinking and so we seldom crossed paths. sometimes i'd run into an old friend and just for the kicks of it all i'd ask him "how's finger sucker"?

No one really thought it was all that goddamn funny but me. i remember that much. it was just a thing about him, they said. like twirling hair or biting your nails.

i never bit my nails. i tried to start at one point. mostly because i hate cutting my nails, it's too much work, i can tell you that right now. so i wanted to start biting them off and all so i din't have to bother using my nail clippers. they were real fuckin old and i had to put the weight of my body onto them to get them to cut. plus, it bent my nail funny before it cut and that hurt. i mean, not real bad or anything, but bad enough. i just wanted to keep em low and clean. i figured biting would help.

i never could get in the habit of it though. some things you do as few times and they make a habit of themselves. i tried hard as a man in a titty bar to get started on a regular schedule of biting and all, but it just didn't happen.

eventually i came into some extra cash and bought some new clippers. those are the ones i use now. they're almost as old now as the other ones were then.

someitmes i use the toe ones on my fingers. they cut real easy.

i never could make a habit of biting my owen though.

i never asked anyone why they bit their nails, i just knew that was why i wanted to. i never asked finger sucker why he sucked hi fingers either. i just figured it was funny as hell and if i knew his rteason it would be harder to find it funny.

with my godsdamn luck it would all be for some practical reason. a doctor told himt o something. you know, to keep saliva going and all.

he was friends with the loudest snorer i ever knew too.

i snore, you know. pretty damn loud. but this guy put me to shame.

usually if i saw one i saw the other. finger sucker and log sawer. they were wuite a pair. dirtier than three month worn socks and all.

i haven't seen any of them in years now. i don't even live int he same state anymore.

but i've been drinking more of recent and so sometimes they pop into my mind. they had some wierd habits. especially him.

he didn't smoke though, i guess that's good.

2002-12-27 | 5:46 p.m.
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