the record store plumber

when i was young i was obsessed with movies about people who fell down forever in their life, then, after a succint instant or moment crawled out and made giants of themselves.

i remember seeing this film on tv, i never even knew what it was called, i was probably seven or eight. i think it was hbo.

this guy had gambled his wife away to his old best friend who now was some sort of casino gangster. apparently they used to teach martial arts together or something. the gangster guy was naemd rico, i remember that.

anyway, this guy (the protagonist) had a horrible gambling problem and was a drunk, so he gambled his wife aw3ay at craps or something.

he wanted her back so he went to her sister and she looked at him and said "why would she want to come back to you? look at you. you're a drunk. and a degenerate."

he went on this rampage of sobering up and getting in shape and he shaved and all (it was a shitty movie, alright? get over it).

then in the end he arranged to fight rico for her back.

a sort of rocky-esque fight scene ensuerds and his will prevailed. and he won her back.

anyway, this is the sort of film i was impressed by. the permanent midnights, the quicksilvers, etc.

anyway, as i look over my life now i begin to realize patterns of ehavior that i believe stem from my love for those types of films. no, i am not blaming a film for my life, i am saying that i can see how i, through my love for these films subconciously created similar circumstances in mine. just in money, there have been numerous occasions in which i made large sums and was very good at what i did, but it was always followed by a sort of period of degeneracy. a period where i drank all the time and had no job and did too many drugs and laid around and got lazy.

today pogo and i spent an hour or two cleanig the apartment. it was trashed.

i do this all the time with my living quarters. i wait till it is trashed, then clean it all at once. i love to wqatch the transformation. too much kafka i guess. though maybe i read kafka backwards.

at any rate, now our apartment shimmers and smells wonderful and we have large amounts of clean dishes, more than we have cabinet space for in fact.

anyway, i guess i have found what is most likely not the root of this pattern in me, but certainly an outward symptom.

most people i know like to clean a little bit here and there, but i feel no sense of accomplishment there, i like garbage to spotless.

in work i am the same.

at the record store i was sort of the plummer. i fixed whatever was leaky in the store. buying over budget, promos out your ass- send in robert. processing months behind, can't seem to get out even new releases in time- send in robert. cash office records nill, money disapeearing right and left- send in robert. way overstocked on unsellable merchandise and need to arrange returns to your seven hundred vendors- send in robert. need to cut back stock by $600,000 dollars in three weeks, send in robert.

but, need a normal day maintained, find someone else.

i'm not sure what relevance all this has, but i wanted you to know mostly because i was thinking about it.

2002-12-29 | 5:13 p.m.
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