andante and larghetto (for david)

in the dream, it wasnít
anything lifestyle related
that took him from the world.
In the dream, it was
some one-in-a-million
heart valve issue that broke
and bundled him off
to fordís brotherís mortuary.
In the dream, it was
a small funeral, hardly any tears
save for his wife and
children, standing there
a handful of others staring
at the ground.
In the dream, I lost
a single tear down the side
of my face and it was more
than all the agony of a world.
In the dream, I knew
it was a great man gone
and one less to move forward.
I knew there is always a shortage
of great men and itís good
even when difficult to work with
to support them and listen
with a careful ear to what they say
whatever you end up doing.
In the dream, the ones
heíd helped most hardly took note
to the fact that he was gone
they just smiled and went about
their day.
In the dream, I was
mad about that. In the
dream, I could have taken their heads off,
there staring into the eyes of
his children, whose future was now being
rewritten to exclude their father.
In the dream, I wanted
to shake them until they broke
and let out a long sad sigh
for a man who gave himself sometimes
over to them, who brought
to them fine ideas and bright futures.
In the dream, I knew
they wanted no part of caring.
In the dream, it wasnít
anything lifestyle related
that took him from the world
and lightened a load from those
he disagreed with and left the ones
he helped alone.
In the dream, I was
turning inside out,
thinking about how badly I wanted to scream
their sadder fates into their faces
to let them know how fine
a man was who had gone,
how rare a fine man is and
how his wife and children
standing there like john-john and Jackie
deserved a tear from each of us.
Waking, I knew there was
no reason to be so drawn in
and so stood up and wiped
the moisture from the inside of my eye
(where my nose meets my eye)
and went to dress for work.
In the dream, he had gone
and we had all lost something.
but here, in real life real world ways
he was not gone
and I had gained a glimpse
of how it would be, of what
it would be like, and so learn
to appreciate him just
that much more.
Some days are a passing tide of reasons to be thankful
for what didnít happen.

2004-10-22 | 11:31 a.m.
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