andante and larghetto (for david)
in the dream, it wasn�t anything lifestyle related that took him from the world. In the dream, it was some one-in-a-million heart valve issue that broke and bundled him off to ford�s brother�s mortuary. In the dream, it was a small funeral, hardly any tears save for his wife and children, standing there a handful of others staring at the ground. In the dream, I lost a single tear down the side of my face and it was more than all the agony of a world. In the dream, I knew it was a great man gone and one less to move forward. I knew there is always a shortage of great men and it�s good even when difficult to work with to support them and listen with a careful ear to what they say whatever you end up doing. In the dream, the ones he�d helped most hardly took note to the fact that he was gone they just smiled and went about their day. In the dream, I was mad about that. In the dream, I could have taken their heads off, there staring into the eyes of his children, whose future was now being rewritten to exclude their father. In the dream, I wanted to shake them until they broke and let out a long sad sigh for a man who gave himself sometimes over to them, who brought to them fine ideas and bright futures. In the dream, I knew they wanted no part of caring. In the dream, it wasn�t anything lifestyle related that took him from the world and lightened a load from those he disagreed with and left the ones he helped alone. In the dream, I was turning inside out, thinking about how badly I wanted to scream their sadder fates into their faces to let them know how fine a man was who had gone, how rare a fine man is and how his wife and children standing there like john-john and Jackie deserved a tear from each of us. Waking, I knew there was no reason to be so drawn in and so stood up and wiped the moisture from the inside of my eye (where my nose meets my eye) and went to dress for work. In the dream, he had gone and we had all lost something. but here, in real life real world ways he was not gone and I had gained a glimpse of how it would be, of what it would be like, and so learn to appreciate him just that much more. Some days are a passing tide of reasons to be thankful for what didn�t happen.
2004-10-22 | 11:31 a.m.
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