arch-miserablist and the laid back summer stare

so and thus as things happen water washes wilted lives away wisdom carries less justice than most savages and when, having crossed the great and lunging bridges, one lloks back turns back and leans the corner under his arm so he (or she as it may be) looks for truths and counts the days they find so clearly how courage is a casualty of callousness (crumbling comes easy and just knowing makes it simpler than matrimony) our earthen knees we sit in sync with shortened breath and too little energy to climb aboard. read the papers: our murders delay us from surviving with smiles and learn what we learn get by the way we sometimes get by trying to sift through teh dirt and shit and ash that clogs our veins we move we move and let's get a few things certain: 1. nomads live one place to two place to ten place, a home is where you are. 2. coffee makes anxious fingers, trigger fingers, but we'll go on drinking it anyway and 3. faith is a bi-product of have and need and do and say and wish you were so you are and anything, if you beleive it enough might come true (i'll hold onto mine) but so far, so far i've illustrated how poorly i let go of things, how sadly i move (without desperation so often) and pounding the keys is not the same thing as meaning it though of course i do i do mean it i do try to say it speak it like the sun send shivers up the spine like the way we move is our biggest influence on others the way we think what we think how we think i am dying to get inside the mind of others trying so hard to get across what i mean.

in the city we see garbage piled over dumpster caps and people pissing on sidewalks, armies of rantless men and women march (as to war) into the sun each morning and into the sun each night we're always marching intot eh sun but has it ever occured to us that some sunshine makes shim splints of our dreams so what if a man wants quiet and what if a man (like me) needs a little darkness now and then to fill out the dusty corners of his darkness, to better than arm himself with something certain as rhinestones and even fool's gold shines.

yesterday i saw a man collapse ont he ground, vomiting at 6 am and wondered why and where this man goes when he's not trying to be un-sick some men are always sick: in the city rape is up, murder is up, crime is up our quiet is being held for ransom and how much are we willing to lose for our own times and ease of stay or go and divorce that's just a series of paperwork childrent aht don't talk to their parents (like me for so many years) and if, just if is all i'm saying we tried it another way would the start board be the same?

i want a life like light-brite (we decide where the shine begins and how bright and in what shades of what challenges to the primary color system we partake like communion held in parking lots and prayer from prison cells)

or ifg we can't then try it backwards try to tie it down to how the here was now or whent he who came 'round and lets get free of allt hese tired thoughts- arch miserablists and cheap sentiments make up the best and worst of our day and newspapers are open arms to every dead thing thats coming (retail cuts the date and throws the rest away) daily we reaarange our priorities what matters today won't tommorrow and tommorrow is just waiting to waste away with us- but we'll try to survive.

2004-06-14 | 5:21 p.m.
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