the coastergirl diaries volume forty-four

the best days were the ones tatooed by her scent on my fingers, on my tongue, on the end of me while i pissed or scratched. to say that isn't to say that all we had was sex. or love-making. even mornings. all of our ngiths were beautiful. even the darkest of them.

coastergirl told me one day while we were sitting outside drinking tea that she had heard from adam. adam was an old friend-plus of hers from the-way-back-when-days we all have.

her: he wants me to come see him.
me: oh yeah? how long's it been since you've seen him.
her: a couple years at least. more maybe.
me: right on.
where's he livng now?
her: austin.
me: i hate austin.
her: i know you do.
me: so do you.
her: yes i do. but i want to see him. come with me.
me: no thanks. you have fun. i hate austin. it's worthless. nothing good has come out of austin since mineral....except maybe paul newman. (on an editorial note, explosions in the sky is also from austin and they are good.)
her: well i'm gonna go anyway.
me: when?
her: this weekend i think.
me: right on.
her: yeah. i'm kinda excited. i mgiht see chach (an old old ex of hers) while i'm there.
me: that guy was an ass to you.
i know. but sometimes he could be kinda sweet.
me: not the way you tell it.
her: i know, but you know how it is, when someone breaks your heart, it's kind of against the rules to say nice things about them.
me: well, that's your rule.
her: no, it's the rule for lots of people. part of the recovery process and stuff.
me: right on. if someone's nice to me, i say it, if they're rude to me, i say it, if they were sometimes both, that's how i tell it.
her: i know you do. but you're not like most people.
me: i guess not.
her: you sure you don't want to come. i want you come with me.
me: i don't want to. you have fun, but i don't want to go.
her: okay.

with my kierkegaard glasses on i wonder if all of this wasn't sort of her way of trying to make me fight for her or something. we had a good rest of the week. and on friday, i said goodbye to her for the night and it was nice. i talked to her most of the way to austin on my cellphone and a couple times throughout the night while she was there. she was only staying one night.

the next day when she called me on her way home i hung up and put a chair through a window.

2004-01-11 | 9:23 p.m.
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