the coastergirl diaries volume forty-six

adam came in and i slept at home that night. she told me he slept in the guestroom and more likely than not, she was telling the truth. i rolled over in bed, imagining him crawling around and inside here, beneath her, fingers on the dip of her hip bones (my favorite place on her body). wars were lost that night in my sleep.

it's a funny thing about the involuntary nature of dreams, they haunt you. in my life, i've had dreams that i beleived had no basis in reality whatsoever, and yet they still hugged against me all day, pulling me over to their way of thinking. i have done too much acid. that much is certain.

she called me ten am the next morning to invite me to lunch with her parents, where she would be waiting on us.

me: is adam going to be there?
her: yes. i want you to meet him.
me: you're aware that i'm predisposed to hate him, right?
her: no you're not. you couldn't hate anyone if you wanted to.
me: i used to hate my stepmother.
her: but not anymore.
me: no, not anymore.
her: i win. come meet him. my parents are buying.
me: your parents don't have to buy me lunch to get me to meet him.
her: they just want to see you. my dad likes you.
me: when?
her: about eleven. macoroni grill.
me: i'll be there.
her: good. i'll see you then?
me: yeah.

[click. click. clicks.]

i got there right around the time her parents got there and sat down, got a glass of water and chatted about the most recent scrubs episode i had missed (her father and i always watched that together).

when adam arrived i was pretty much zen-like through the meal, and all told he was a pretty damn decent guy. seldom in my life have i been as certain about anything as i am about how much worse that made everything.

after the meal i wandered over to bar area to smoke a cigarette and adam came with me. i think he hated me as much as he thought i hated him. i didn't. he asked me about this book i'd been reading about the motion of light in space-time. it was all pretty good. we went back to the table after he asked me if i loved her.

me: yes.
him: ...

coastergirl brought the check and her fater made an off-hand comment about not knowing how much to tip his own daughter, and she suggested they allow me to select the tip (i am famous for insane tips, but that's another story). they didn't like that idea and we left.

adam and i went to a local coffee shop to get something to drink and relax while we watied for coastergirl's shift to end.

time clicked by at roughly the same pace as water freezing in a refrigerator. to tell you the truth i can't remember much of what we talked about, which means it wasn't much at all and what there was couldn't have been too interesting. i have a good head for dialogue. always have.

when she got there, she kissed him ont he cheek, gave me a hug and wlaked him to his car to send him away. i read kant.

when she returned she asked what i thought and i told her he seemed alright, but a little boring. she said he was shy. i told her he wasn't shy about putting his dick in my girl. she gave me a man-eatting look that only women on their periods can give men.

at least i knew she didn't sleep with him, as she was drastically opposed to sex on her periods. only once did we.

i went home that night without her. i didn't want to see her, really. i slept poorly, thinking widely about her fingers, mouth, the places on other's it had been, wondering why it should bother me so terribly much. i fell asleep with a song lyric in my head:

" I've seen this room and I've walked this floor
I used to live alone before I knew ya
I've seen your flag on the marble arch
But love is not a victory march
It's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah"

2004-02-11 | 7:25 p.m.
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