the giving lady fan club (i'm starting it)

yesterday, at the grocery store the lines were long. all of the carts were packed with food. aparently wednesday is national gather-food-unto-you-for-the-next-year-day. there was a lady two or three carts in front of me, reading the Inquirer, giggling a bit to herself now and then. i didn't notice her glances, but i guess she was because what seemed to me as out of nowhere, she looked at the lady behind her and said, "would you like to get in front of me in line?"

the other lady looked dumbfounded, so she repeated herself. "would you like to get in front of me in line? i noticed you keep looking at your watch like you are in a hurry to be somewhere, and i pretty much have a relaxed day from here on out, so if you want to get in front of me so you can get your shopping done and carry on with your schedule, that is fine with me."

never in my life, have i seen such a confused look in another person. the other lady was obviously wondering what was going on in her mind as to actually let her get in front of her in line. people just don't do that. i think maybe she grew suspicious, because he face turned to a searching sort of look, like she was trying to figure out what angle the lady was playing. after a moment, she nodded to herself as if she had made some sort of realization and accepted.

skipping ahead in line had put her almost immediatly at the checkout so she began unloading her things (the lady who gave up her place, helped her put her things on the conveyor belt!) and she moved around to pay. she was paying with a debit card and as she swiped it and leaned to enter her passcode she looked over at the lady who had allowed her in suspiciously and covered her hand motions with a cupping gesture, as if she believed she had been allowed to move forward as some way of gathering her bank card info. while all this was going on the cell phone of the man behind the giving lady (which is what i shall call her) rang and he answered it. whoever he was talking to was obviously frustrated because he kept saying "i promise, i will be there as soon as i can."

my jaw dropped when the giving lady looked at him and offered to let him ahead of her in line. he smiled and accepted, having realized she was sincere after watching the last switch-up. after the change-around the giving lady just went back to reading her inquirer.

at this point i was right behind her. i think i was staring at her (why wouldn't i have been, i've never even heard of soemthing like this happening! i mean, i know this isn't pulling children from a burning building, but it's so rare to see anyone give a damn about anyone else these days i was flabbergasted.). i guess she noticed my staring and looked at me with a smile and said "you may get in front if you want." i smiled back and said that i had no particular place to be and that i believed she had earned her right to be next. now it was her turn to look confused.

her eyebrows crinkled and she asked me how she had earned it. i told her that by giving up her place in line twice to people in more urgent situations that hers, she had earned the right to finish her shopping and be done with it. she laughed a little and said to me with a totally straight face "you don't understand. they were in more of a hurry than me. they had earned the right to go before me. in effect, i owed it to them to let them go. i was only doing the decent thing."

"how did they earn it?" i asked.
"by being alive in this world and the sheer misfortune of always having one more place to go, one more person to see, one more thing that must be done. the sooner they can get through the things they nede to get through, the sooner they can settle down and enjoy their life. don't you think everyone deserves to enjoy their life?"
"i guess so. i've just never seen that happen before."
she smiled. "i try to make a habit of doing the right thing at least once a day."

we didn't talk anymore after that and she rang up her items and pushed her cart to the lot, turning down the help she was offered by the bagger and left. i thought about her for a long while after that and realized that when it comes to caring about others, it's when people care in the little ways that they care the most. to pull a child from an abusive home is caring, but it is also a conscience issue. how could a person sleep at night knowing they were aware of that happening and did nothing, you know? but to do some small, seemingly insignificant thing for someone else, that is true caring, true giving.

the best thing about this world is that it never fails to surprise me. just when i think we are all cynical assholes just wadding through muck until we die, i see something like that and realize that out lives are really more like dances and sometimes we need someone else's help to give us the room on the floor to pull out our best moves.

2004-06-24 | 11:14 a.m.
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