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it's only heaven here was arching my back last night and thinking of you, knew it would all add up all make sense in the end so i wanted it to come together nicely come apart just the same just wonder if it ever made a difference. i know it was low and gcold in there hiding from the bends aroiund our life around our world i know i could have bested shakespear for love songs. i couldv'e been st. paul for the line of your back. i wanted nothing more than to trace the line fo your ankles, run my fingertips eyes glossy across every part of you. i could have been bal shem tov for the story of your life and written great symphonies for the color of your cheeks when you were laughing. i was thinking of all my favorite parts of your long body. the dip of your hips where every kiss i've ever laid before you was born, and the tiny crevace between your neck and your chest. the size of my thumb how i wanted to cover your entire body with thumbprints mark every solitary glance of your into the alter of time and lock it safe for all the world to see. i wanted to be the holder of you perfect like a moonrock and still life cezanne better than anything else. i'd have played st. agustine for your frowns and all the ills that ever took the earth and shook it upside down. i know how the earth exhaled when you smiled careful sighs fell from the craters of volcanos and heaven iopened up for the rage and jealousy of the angels. so i think instead of your shy looks downward and away biting your lower lip and the way your arms closed around me when you whispered secrets and stories about shirts you'de carved up and made masterpieces of. i think of the way your eyes could barely open when you told me you loved me and the way your thighs gripped tight eyes bulging from pressure to the sides of my head and the way your eyes rolled back when i travelled the confines of your body, magellan for you artches and curves and the careful places beneath your breasts. you're so welcome to climb inside my mind anytime now with it's dark corners all brought to light and it's thought all fixed on you only in increments and how i waxed and waned and the hair fell into my eyes when i couldn't bear to look at you anymore. i can't smell you in my room anymore, there's been too many rooms now. i sleep now on clean sheets and i hardly find your hair around anymore. i threw away the dreams of you when the sun hit the ground and i knew you'de never be head on a pillow begging begging me for one more round one more time around the bend, one more back arching one more flutter of the eyes and i'm still sinking into you now but not then and not ten minutes from now. i love you now only in notes and frog dance photos and brain movies of wolfie dances and flashbacks of your accent. i think of you only in contexts that seem long and beautiful. it's so much more beautiful to think of you the way the light hit you pulling you pants on beside my bed staring at you ass watching the mountain rabnge of you spine climb up your neck praying for one more chance you run my tongue down your back. to kiss barely where it was soft, on the sides beneath your rib cage. and it's easier now, to talk it through and think about nothing and go nowhere and know it was better than being there better than having it happen one last time. these thoughts are mine now and here and forever locked in plastic boxes i can show and shine across the world. i can rewrite history to the sound of your voice. i can draw lines through the srtory of helen of troy and insert your name in all the pages of the love poets and tape pictures of you in all the bibles in church pews and know that it is only you they could worship now. i could fill thousands of pages outlining your body in letters and phrases that would never be forgotten and you will know you will know when you die that it was all worth it that someone saw it there one day when it was cold on a porch and lived through you to tell the story. only guitars cry your name now.
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