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i'll label your girl PortableWild: i'm somethin. hegoesbylinus: good...i guess. PortableWild: and yourself? hegoesbylinus: unwavering. PortableWild: i hear it has its pros and cons hegoesbylinus: lots of cons, X and otherwise. hegoesbylinus: maybe some con-fidence. hegoesbylinus: or else con-stipation. hegoesbylinus: no pros-titutes though. PortableWild: not yet. hegoesbylinus: you coming to town? PortableWild: ha. ha. ha. hegoesbylinus: no more ehehehe? hegoesbylinus: anyway, how's life treating you? PortableWild: that there was my sarcastic laugh. ehehehe is left for when i'm actually slightly amused. hegoesbylinus: my idiocy does not amuse you? PortableWild: acting like the stepfather who just realized he didn't beat me enough. hegoesbylinus: (holds up truce flag) PortableWild: damn straight. PortableWild: i've been having a bad run of it lately. hegoesbylinus: i'm sorry about that. PortableWild: yeah, me too. i wish i had a panic button. hegoesbylinus: if it makes you feel better i'm the in the process of recieving hate mail for looking at some girl i don't even know. PortableWild: nicely done. hegoesbylinus: panic is highly over rated. hegoesbylinus: nicely done on getting hatemail? i'm pretty good at that. hegoesbylinus: getting better anyway. PortableWild: it's nice to have a skill. hegoesbylinus: it's more of a trade really. like being a truck-driver, only, you know, less baseball caps. PortableWild: more mullets? hegoesbylinus: only in the underarm region. PortableWild: nice. hegoesbylinus: more groucho nose and glasses disguises though. PortableWild: that's a plus. hegoesbylinus: i try to find any excuse to wear them...so this is all moving me towards my ultimate destiny in life... hegoesbylinus: three stooges impersonations. PortableWild: everyone has their place. hegoesbylinus: unforuntaly, there's only one of me, so i sort of have to palahniuk it. hegoesbylinus: how's the photo sessions? PortableWild: work blows. hegoesbylinus: better than sucking though i guess. hegoesbylinus: have you started teaching yet? PortableWild: i really don't have my heart in it now. so i decided not to. hegoesbylinus: what does the warn feature on here do? hegoesbylinus: how's rockstar and explorer? PortableWild: it warns people. PortableWild: rockstar's playing on the keyboard. he's getting bored... drinking a lot hegoesbylinus: thanks...jackass. PortableWild: explorer's all stressed about school... she'll be done in two weeks though. hegoesbylinus: any good on the keyboard? PortableWild: he's a better drummer. even better guitar player. hegoesbylinus: what's floating your boat these days? hegoesbylinus: what's he play? PortableWild: nothing is floating my boat. i'm doing dead man's float in my bed most mornings. PortableWild: he plays songs. what do you mean what does he play? hegoesbylinus: what style? PortableWild: pretty much straight up rock. very toadies ... frank black... influenced... but not like them. that make sense? hegoesbylinus: yepppers. hegoesbylinus: when was the last time you smiled? PortableWild: real smile? hegoesbylinus: yes. PortableWild: probably the day explorer and i went to six flags. easter sunday. PortableWild: although, i've started to date a boy. hegoesbylinus: how's that going? PortableWild: surreal and odd. hegoesbylinus: what kind of music does he listen to? PortableWild: he was the bass player in one of the bands that rockstar was in. we started talking because we were both going to the cursive show. PortableWild: he likes sad bastard music. PortableWild: really into bright eyes. hegoesbylinus: the last one or the one coming up? hegoesbylinus: good for him. PortableWild: the last cursive show hegoesbylinus: are you going this time? appleseed cast is with them. hegoesbylinus: although appleseed cast is opening for them, which is bogus, but oh well. PortableWild: hell yes. love the appleseed cast. PortableWild: love cursive. PortableWild: i'm probably going alone, but i'm still really excited. hegoesbylinus: take pictures. hegoesbylinus: i love show pictures. hegoesbylinus: it's too bad you can't attach the sound that instant to the photos. PortableWild: it's so true. hegoesbylinus: i wish i could wrap their music around me like a warm ocean blanket. you can have your heaven, that what i want. PortableWild: i had my heaven. now everything's just trying to live up to it. hegoesbylinus: living well is the best revenge, they say. PortableWild: well, then, i'm pretty awful at this revenge bit. hegoesbylinus: it takes steady diet of laughter and smiling...of course, bourbon helps alot too. PortableWild: bourbon, i got. hegoesbylinus: well, if youv'e got the bouron the smiles are just a cap-flip away. PortableWild: it depresses me more, usually. hegoesbylinus: there's always sex with random peoplke you meet in bars...that sometimes helps...if it's done angry enough. PortableWild: not really into that kinda thing ... i've thought about it though. i'm not fond of meeting new people. hegoesbylinus: ah... hegoesbylinus: well, your just batting down all my ideas. PortableWild: not batting them down ... just given them all thought. hegoesbylinus: you could always put a pink pather doll in your pants and walk around town like that...i find it really puts things in perspective. hegoesbylinus: especially when used in conjunction with the groucho glasses. hegoesbylinus: either that or buy avibrator and few tabs of x. PortableWild: x is dry here. pink panther kind of creeps me out. vibrator's in full effect though. hegoesbylinus: you could always eat vitamin c and pretend it's x. PortableWild: do multivitamins count? hegoesbylinus: only if their flintstone. PortableWild: well fuck. hegoesbylinus: that tazo tea that tastes lkike flintstone vitamins counts though. PortableWild: i need more calcium than barney can give me. hegoesbylinus: barney's not a flintstone. try eatting brocoli. PortableWild: which one is that? hegoesbylinus: wild sweet orange. PortableWild: oh, i don't have that in my cabinet hegoesbylinus: he has the voice of an angel, maynard. hegoesbylinus: yogi tea, dandelion is good. PortableWild: i have caramel tea that i bought at the french market. PortableWild: and vanilla almond. hegoesbylinus: the thing is to watch fantasia and realize the your life could be that boring. PortableWild: i think my life is that boring. hegoesbylinus: do you do regular headstands? PortableWild: no, but i apparently act quite like a monkey. PortableWild: according to those around me. hegoesbylinus: ahhh...maybe you just need more potasium. PortableWild: i found a rotted banana on the microwave today. does that count? hegoesbylinus: only if you left it on the toilet tank with a dismembered copy of Q magazine. PortableWild: hmmm, i threw it away instead. rockstar gets maxim, not q hegoesbylinus: not as good, really. but cheapper, and more semi-nudity. PortableWild: but i did fascinate myself with its color before throwing it away. hegoesbylinus: well, that's a plus. PortableWild: i thought so. hegoesbylinus: you want me to find a vodoo preistess and ask her to cast your soul into hell, that might make life a little easier. PortableWild: and i thought about marvelling at its texture but it was falling apart in my hand ... so into the garbage with the delapidated fruit. hegoesbylinus: fuck fruit! dpon't take no shit. PortableWild: maybe it would, but i burn easily. hegoesbylinus: you'de get used to it...otherwise i can make up mix cd track listings and never send them to you. PortableWild: don't you do that anyway? PortableWild: maybe i'd just get more freckles in hell. hegoesbylinus: no, currently i make up title to new bukowski books and send them everyone in town direct mail. in those little envelopes with the coupons. hegoesbylinus: getting freckles on your elbow is key. PortableWild: i already have freckles on my elbow. PortableWild: both elbows in fact. hegoesbylinus: then, behind your knees. hegoesbylinus: and in your left nostril. PortableWild: after taking a moment to check ... i do have freckles behind my knees. PortableWild: i have them on my left nostril but i can't see inside. hegoesbylinus: well velcrow me to the ceiling, i don't know what to tell you...have you considered amputation. hegoesbylinus: of the left ventricle, right areola, and left big toe nail. it really balances one out. PortableWild: only if rockstar makes me a special sort of skateboard with a cupholder. hegoesbylinus: tha;ts cheatting. PortableWild: my toes are cute. hegoesbylinus: uhm..okay...what does that have to do with anything? hegoesbylinus: :-D PortableWild: well, i wouldn't want to ruin some of the only cuteness i have left by amputating toenails. it could compromise my place in the world. hegoesbylinus: is there cuteness left? and lets be honest..life is compromise, no pain no gain...off with the toenail i say! hegoesbylinus: you can replace it with delapitated bana parts. PortableWild: you're right. there is not cuteness left. i'm a bitter girl, and it's not even cute anymore. get the pliers, it's coming off. hegoesbylinus: from punk rock to death metal. hegoesbylinus: dave mustain fan club here i come! PortableWild: i'll just sit in the back with my copy of ben weasel's latest crap of a book. hegoesbylinus: but hey, look at it like this...oh, okay, if you wnat to sit back, then you should, but then again, if you want to sit back, you should. PortableWild: that's neither here nor here, and i'm paraphrasing myself when i say that. hegoesbylinus: sometimes i paraphrase holy men by syaing profound things like "the sun also sets" and "god never open a wiondow, when someone hasn't farted." i cna't remember the actual words exactly, but that's mainly the gist of it. PortableWild: rosy fingered dawn got homer nowhere. don't quit your day job. hegoesbylinus: i'm too slow to understand that comment. hegoesbylinus: my IQ has dropped 312 points since i talked to you last. hegoesbylinus: it was only 45 to start with, so i'm kind of in debt. PortableWild: that's ok, i don't have an iq. hegoesbylinus: i'm thinking of filing fro chapter 11, though. PortableWild: the interest on that must kill. hegoesbylinus: i know, i sold your IQ on the black market...do you have nay idea what a depressed punk rock chciks IQ goes fro these days? PortableWild: depending on how punk i was when you procured it. hegoesbylinus: interst is a killer, that's why i try not to be interested in anything. hegoesbylinus: well, you did have red hair. PortableWild: i just kill whatever interests me. hegoesbylinus: that's pretty much the only qualifier right? PortableWild: unfortunately, always have. hegoesbylinus: i strangeled my imaginary friend as a child. PortableWild: damn, if you carry the two, i've been punk for longer than god's worn steel-toed docs. hegoesbylinus: birkenstocks actually. PortableWild: really, my imaginary friend left me for a cuter little girl down the street. hegoesbylinus: that's my new bands name "i killed my imaginary friend as a child." we're really going places. PortableWild: places are overrated. hegoesbylinus: did you beat her up? PortableWild: i give them a 5.3 on the richter. hegoesbylinus: not park place, with a hotel it's worht like..1500 bucks. PortableWild: nah, i imagined her dead. hegoesbylinus: that was passive agressive of you. PortableWild: i always end up in jail anyway. PortableWild: i like to consider myself a passive pacifist. hegoesbylinus: jail is underated really, i mean seriously, who doesn't need a good ass raping now and then? PortableWild: i was jsut saying that yesterday. hegoesbylinus: i myself dabbled in pacifism once, not in 'Nam of course. hegoesbylinus: i'm starting a chess club biker gang that goes around and ass rapes epople, then sends them to jail. PortableWild: i took a class in agression at the community college, ended up kicking my own ass. PortableWild: now, chess. there's a sport. hegoesbylinus: i used to be aggresive, but then i gave up farming. hegoesbylinus: full contact chess of course...no body pads. PortableWild: i used to farm for a living, but i gave that up. PortableWild: living that is. hegoesbylinus: i did learn seom good ways to kill cttle stuck in barbed wire fences, though PortableWild: well, it's not a sport unless someone's exploited. hegoesbylinus: i never gave it up, i just traded dirt farming for carpet farming. PortableWild: what color carpet? hegoesbylinus: it makes crossword puzzles easier. hegoesbylinus: white. hegoesbylinus: do i look like a racist to you? PortableWild: no, but i won my next reincarnation at the races. that bitch was a sure thing. PortableWild: never was one for boxes. hegoesbylinus: reincarnation is a forty point word in scrabble. PortableWild: only forty? i was sure they gave it all back. hegoesbylinus: unless it's on a triple word score, then it's only worth 11. hegoesbylinus: they never give it back...soul suckers. PortableWild: that's why i play chutes and ladders. hegoesbylinus: i'm selling all my belongings and moving in with tom waits...well, his lawn mower shed anyway. PortableWild: what are you building in there? hegoesbylinus: i'm not going to tell him, i don't think he'd mind really. PortableWild: as long as you don't bogart the piano. hegoesbylinus: a lifesize statue of paul newman and the demoliton bomb from dr strangelove. PortableWild: yeeeeha! hegoesbylinus: that';s how i stopped worrying after all. hegoesbylinus: i want a chilly dog. hegoesbylinus: i haven't had achilly dog in years. PortableWild: i was the receptionist for worry down at the the old ranch. she never died, just moved on. hegoesbylinus: the last chilly dog i had was clean shaven. PortableWild: did you tell it thank you? hegoesbylinus: she never leaves me...to be honest, i think we';re in love...candles and all. hegoesbylinus: hell no, i don't want to dog that looks like a little girl. PortableWild: aw, do i hear the pitter patter of tiny footsteps? hegoesbylinus: we ARE in fact sittin' in a tree, let me tell you. hegoesbylinus: the secrets in the sex. PortableWild: i'd like a dog that looks a little like elvis matched with gary sinise. hegoesbylinus: worry really loves getting head. hegoesbylinus: so does gary senise...wait, did i say that out loud? PortableWild: no ... you typed it. hegoesbylinus: oh yeah...thanks. hegoesbylinus: i may have said it out loud as well. PortableWild: cheating on worry with paranoia? hegoesbylinus: i once knew a cat that was into s & m. hegoesbylinus: no parnoia is a bitch from hell. she has no idea about turn-about. PortableWild: she does know about turnover though. hegoesbylinus: i only cheatted one time, and it was with madness. hegoesbylinus: and lets be honest, the sex was just better. hegoesbylinus: but our relationshoip was totally physical, i had no spiritual connection, and i'm readyt to settle down, i want more than just sex and a billion dollars. PortableWild: i'd just like a nice chocolate mousse as my last meal. hegoesbylinus: never liked moose really, the whole spelled the same polural and singular thing really turns me off. PortableWild: never enjoyed their tendency for hanging around lodges with their bodies cut off. hegoesbylinus: yeah..no class. PortableWild: i hate when things aren't totally there when i'm talking to them. hegoesbylinus: yeah, i don't want anything halfway./ PortableWild: i don't want anything. hegoesbylinus: i only want two turntables and microphone. PortableWild: my old roommate used to be macrobiotic, but it was balanced with her addiction to rice krispy treats. hegoesbylinus: i used to be acrobatic, but it was balanced with my addiction to madonna masturbation fantasies. PortableWild: like a prayer madonna or material girl madonna or lady madonna? hegoesbylinus: all of the above. hegoesbylinus: but that was a long time ago. PortableWild: i took an exam on which all of the above was the first choice. hegoesbylinus: that was BOGYN class wasn't it? hegoesbylinus: OB/GYN PortableWild: nah, astronomy. PortableWild: boo. yeah, i'm already off the stage. hegoesbylinus: ahhh...good old astronomy, i'm an aquarius. PortableWild: montezuma's revenge and all, i don't drink water. hegoesbylinus: i only drink the blood of the dead. PortableWild: makes a good whiskey drink, i hear. hegoesbylinus: i only drink it straight up. PortableWild: i put everything on the rocks and then watch while the sea vultures carry it away. hegoesbylinus: those aren't se4a vultures, there atlanteans. PortableWild: i thought they grew peaches in georgia? hegoesbylinus: they only grow southern generaland battleships in georgia. PortableWild: nice batch of slaves this year though. hegoesbylinus: yeah, i hardly had to fight with them to get them to make an attempt on my life. hegoesbylinus: this lady is really bitter. PortableWild: i was in line at the bank when my account committed suicide. hegoesbylinus: i don't know why she is so angry. PortableWild: put some sugar on her and call her fondue. hegoesbylinus: women have no positive qualities. PortableWild: thank god i gave that up a long time ago. hegoesbylinus: i woud like to genetically fuse women with creatures with logic. it sould cut down onthe silly rate. PortableWild: and the fucking psycho factor. hegoesbylinus: yeah, why don't you guys stop that. hegoesbylinus: men aren't like that. hegoesbylinus: men are =reasonable and calm. PortableWild: i'm not like that. PortableWild: i'm not a woman though. hegoesbylinus: men only reach psycho level when someone or something they love is infringed on. hegoesbylinus: oh, you grew a dick? PortableWild: bought one down at the corner store, lost it in a fire, replaced it with sleeping alone. hegoesbylinus: good to know. hegoesbylinus: does it bother you if people look at you? PortableWild: look at me? no. not really. hegoesbylinus: are most females? PortableWild: unless it's through the sights of a gun. hegoesbylinus: or with handcuffs pulled out. PortableWild: most females probably think it's creepy. hegoesbylinus: why? PortableWild: insecurity, inability to defend themselves against mal intentions, attention getting response while being offered the ability to mock a male wanting her. hegoesbylinus: that seems kind of rediculous to me. PortableWild: me too. hegoesbylinus: are women angry by nature? PortableWild: that's why i hang out with mainly guys. i don't really dig on the petty nature of chicks. hegoesbylinus: hmmm... PortableWild: i like when people look at me. hegoesbylinus: im a curious person by nature. i always want to understand and be understood. i can't understand being any other way, i guess. maybe that's shallow of me. hegoesbylinus: i think most women do. hegoesbylinus: especially if the guy is suiting to their tastes. hegoesbylinus: i've never seen a woman get all disgusted when a man within her taste looks at her. PortableWild: i like when elderly gentlement look at me, because it's usually paired with some nonchalant comment like, "check that red skirt." PortableWild: it makes me laugh. hegoesbylinus: anyway, she can send out the hit sqaud if she wants. hegoesbylinus: check that red skirt? PortableWild: yeah, it made me laugh. i guess the old guy saw my red hair, called girls skirts .. and just juxtaposed the two together. hegoesbylinus: nice. PortableWild: i thought so. hegoesbylinus: i thik i'm going to eat. PortableWild: ok. hegoesbylinus: don't e a stranger. hegoesbylinus: you never call anymore. PortableWild: hey robert .... it's always a pleasure. PortableWild: you don't call either. hegoesbylinus: i called two or three times...anyway. i'll call you a in a few days maybe... hegoesbylinus: try to find some pisspoor excuses to smile in the meantime. PortableWild: well, i have tomorrow off. you should call then. PortableWild: allright, i'll try. PortableWild: go fuck some shit up. hegoesbylinus: and by the way, don't think i forgot about the homework assignment you never did... PortableWild: which one? hegoesbylinus: you were supposed to make me a mix cd with original art and go skinny dipping in a common area pool. hegoesbylinus: i have to work tommorrow, but maybe in the vening. hegoesbylinus: i missed you. hegoesbylinus: glad you got on today. PortableWild: well, i can do the first easily. the second will have to wait until it's just a tad warmer. hegoesbylinus: i want to save this strange conversation. hegoesbylinus: does AIM have that function? PortableWild: jsut copy and paste it to a word doc hegoesbylinus: all right. hegoesbylinus: bye.
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