coastergirl manifesto one

so i wanted sweet smells and dandelion pastures named after you with skylines built by gods left in demolished cities with sad songs playing on every radio within earshot. you're always my last earshot baby, come close and i'll sing you one last truth one last miracle spun from the cradle and you'll be gone, dust in the only memories i care to forget about.

so you're a shining starlight darling with all your hair wrapped in tiny peices of paper that's a story i wrote you about my life as a madman, life from the madhouse window of loving you the long causeway of your eyes and jesus, your every clone is drawing me, pencil point to the edge of the earth and pulling every last stray hair from my mind and leaving me (bereft) and fuck, you're my clandestine angel with unholy eyes and every word you speak is a tiny lie wrapped in silver linings and plaid patterned dreams marked with scars from your every heartbreak, your every touch on my wrist that led to more. your a potzer for the caged angels and you bring, you bring me only long explosions and give 'em hell harry quotebooks mark every passage to the war of knowing you and lasting through you and surviving you, but damn, it's always making it, making up with life and looking ahead ("choosing life, they say") and you're always standing just behind the mirrors i look in, always lurking, one last breath from my door, one last fingertouch from the callpad that reaches me. colleyville darling, you're only as precious as every shining stone and worth your weight in diamond, jesus, every history demoness is a zircon for the myth of you.

so i'm waiting for your one last breath and only half caring if it comes but always on my mind, your silent film smile and ghost ship drowning pool of everything i need. you make it all go smooth, make it all go around (record player for the loss gatherers in the every-rainstorm of time) and now, now it's glow-worms and day jobs, no more lounging on the patio and every moment (you should know) was just lounging when it was with you, how you make prayer a wasted guideline when i could be watching you lean forward towards me to wrap yourself in my arms.

now i'm watching from the end of things, the rest of things is in a card catalogue for great love affairs and me and neruda are writing the forwards. me and neruda are writing the forwards.

you're the last epilogue for orgasms still not acheieved, you're the record of failed peace and magic moments, cat iron frenzy girl with your ammaretto eyes.

every taste of you left me honey-drunk and damn, if wine wasn't made to recreate the way you make us feel, the way you make me float, higher than stars, more alive than every zeus and hercules myth and the math of you is still behind me, waiting on the pages, and i'm looking (if you can't tell) to see if i can decode it all, tear it all apart and finally know the way you move, finally know the way you lasted me through it all and left me, hail-storm lost and pounding brain that's only melting now. pounding brain that's only melting now. your only melting me down now.

and i'mr eaching back, through my every last haunting ghost of a moment with you and carrying it into the giant calculater world to be mapped out and turned to fermat's last great enigma, made to geometric proofs that einstein would never have known how to think about or solve.

but i can. i swear i can.

so they say wanting is an excuse to die and soon i'll be locking myself in dark corners, and ironically enough, every color is only getting brighter and every star is falling froth from me now (i can see you) and you'll always be failing me somewhere and i'll always be picking myself up so you can be my starlight butterfly waitress for the finest of things and bring them all just raining down, just falling upwards (like the light of you) and ending up teaching me all the things i need to know.

all the things i want to know when i look at you.

2003-05-27 | 11:11 p.m.
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