letter to a temptress

do you even know the song you sing at this point? you give me fairy tales and fairy tales and nothing ever comes from you that changes me more than stardust and everytime i see your eyes, shining glory and trance-like spears, i know you now, more than ever and even when, even if, you're falling apart, i can still see you breathing, and you'll always be the calmest country in the west, the coolest fingertips across my back, the last drop of water, sahara-minded, how you leave me, and i'm waiting, waiting, angel for your spaceman-eyes to look at me this one more time, and hell, you can stare me down, door to hell behind me, and i'll look (transixed) at you past death and greed and loss and you'll be pushing every color into me, pulling everything worth beating a heart for and stretching it into me.

and i was there when you were lost and lonely, cold and groaning still shining your eyes like firefly madness and every last beam of hope comes from your level-headed stare, and they'll write, they'll write storybooks about you in the afterlife. they'll write storybooks about you in the afterlife. how you were singing god to sleep, arms wrapped careful around the universe of dreams, baby-powder face and newness like sunshine everything you touch turns warm and bright and you've healed everything you've ever thought about. you've brought presence into the morning and left me crying (i know you're brighter than the end of time) and everything now is so cold so cold. dying.

and it's good your here, good you were, were good enough to spend the day night week year and time passes so slow here with you, you with us and everything we know and want and hope is written in the way you touch a notebook on the desk in the way your hair falls onto the sofa behind your head when your favorite songs are playing and i know, i know your head still falls back when it happens.

i know it always will, and right now, that's all i'm concerned with. so how do you know who i'm writing about and how do you know what i mean, what i'm trying to get across, what i'm singing this one throat-croaked madman dog and pony show about or how you drag my every lie to light my every want and need left hanging in a shifting breeze, halo under construction. and you are every song they never had the gall to sing, every thought that made their balls drop, made them shake, acid-worn and drained of petty lifelong challenges that amount to rain falling across aspen trees in the colorado air. and worth every bit the toll of a thrill ride, every bit the fee for a new bankruptcy of the mind and soul, and i'd sell it all right here, right now, for you.

so i'm here, building mountains out of crazy-minded molehills and watching you from there, where you are clean, rain-like with your arms around someone, anyone and maybe you're just sitting there, in the homeless land of floating code and wordless earth and turning everything everything to sparkles and sawdust made of gold and that's all we need to be when you're always waiting at the end of the line, at the end of the tunnel called life, and maybe, lucky enough, we could be there before you leave us, entrenched in everything you made us want (so badly) to be, and alone and i know i know this all sounds rhetorical and maybe you know what i'm getting at, maybe you always did.

and i'd like to write this one last page or spend this one last moment writing this here for you and hoping something comes clear and someone somewhere knows you mean the things you say, the way you move (it still moves me) and every turning of your hips will always crack my spine with desire always turn my head always cross my eyes and tear the end from all of us, and i know, jesus, fucking know beyond doubt, that you're better than any heaven, and you're here.

so maybe everything i ever said came out like sand and my-how-you dried my throat, my-how-you made my body tremble and sometimes when i sleep i still think of you (always) and wake, hard. hell, you make eunuchs hard and everything will always be okay if you will it, if it be your will (as leonard says) and soon, you'll be shining down on all of us, wiping tears from our eyes and i know, just knowing you put words in there somewhere put a good word in for me, to me i could last through every stage of dante's hell and then i'd take your smile and use it to stare, cold-dead-down the devil and his every striking darkness.

you're every dream you never knew we dreamt.

2003-05-23 | 9:58 p.m.
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