never will
and here I come arched back and frenzied without comic stares or adjustments and you, quiet the room you left me in and I know sometimes you wish you�d done a few things differently but not now, not here and never will. And here it is, safe as fire-hoses that break noses in summer the water pressure takes us whole and takes us down, cold air burns sometimes and you�re why. So you�d like, here with me another way around the inside of your mind and memory but not here, not now and never will. I found, inside my mind the other day, a history of us the story of how it all came together and all fell apart. I flipped through pages and had to ask myself if it would be worth another go another try after all the brilliant summer sun days (Sundays) and mornings spent in the world together and how nice it was and could have been and could have stayed but not here, not now, and never will. So now you, one phone number dialed by the fingers that used to run up my sides and a ring on my end, a ring on my end a smile I�ll never understand across my lips and I figure I�ll answer and do and you start blathering on and on about this that happened and this you did and how fine it started out and how lowely it ended and how sore you are about it all and then you�re quiet (waiting for me to say something?) but I�m quiet too, and after a few minutes you ask if we can meet for coffee and I sigh, tell you I�m glad you�re alright (at least as all right as you sound) but not now, not here, and never will. So a few days arch by and there�s the ring again that�s yours and you say you�d really like to talk in person so we do and you tell me how much you miss me and I�m feeling all turned around and upside down and you just sit there waiting on an answer that I can�t make come. not now, not here and never will. Worth a shot, you say after all the better-offs and sooner-or-laters and I sigh because you were a miracle to me always are and always will but I can�t shake the feeling can�t shake the way it was and how you drowned out my aching head with all your laughter and how simple it was for you and how loudly you laughed and now you, here, waiting on a word that never will come I�m trying to figure out how to piece the inside together again, the way you broke me, charged out like bulls in bull runs and now I�m wondering just how just why and how is all of this going to turn out and it might I find myself thinking but not here, not now and never will. You were always easy as arm-chairs and I can�t tell now, even where I could just how far you�ve come or what it�s all come down to for you and each one chooses one way one day, the inside of eyelids over do-overs. And I have to. right here, right now and ever will. you're always one more world away.
2004-10-22 | 1:10 p.m.
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