we'll split the difference and call it quits

i was drunk. shelling out stories in between scratched underlined passages of random henry miller books driftin reckless a quiet voice in the other room waiting by the phone life is always waiting by the phone even if no one is going to call isn't it best to pretend they are though? i spent months lifetimes of anguish agony by the phone waiting for a whsipered ring at midnight three am four pm maybe just one last time it will come and heartache falls like a sunset across the earth i don't regret a moment but i wish i could discern the cablegram memories of my mind and pick the ones i liked best, discard the rest.

it would all be so easy if we could wake in time for the sun to come up and dance on the lawns with each other naked sprawling dreams across our withered eyes. can't we have one more dream?

i was thinking about the best way up, the best way down whichever sound it made sometimes i can hear the sun rise. hear clouds move hear trees growing and i know that nothing is more perfect. nothing could ever drive me home drunk again and come within an inch of the glory i always laying beside. but it's hard to lay in the grass with all the chiggers.

maybe that's the point, to lie there anyway, it's worth it to hear water soaking in life sprouting from the hedges green lush life thankful limbs trimmed back new growth new life it never occurs to them they never get any bigger.

i want to never get an bigger. i want to not care about it. i want to lay glowing aloud and scream chants incandescent at the moon. i want tulip patches to sprout from my limbs lillies from my forehead, hedges from between my legs, lotus blossums across my back mist in the morning feel the dew on my skin my new life force manager new chance at being alone and all together finding self in a painting in my head in my head rushing water seems to fall across my flesh and i don't care that i may never come back alive.

2002-11-17 | 1:48 p.m.
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