it's my life, my lights, and my show

i fall apart it matters so much that everything goes this way matters so goddamn much to me. i miss days spent in the cool wind of colorado sitting under the good sun with lark. she had a thousand lives in the way she walked. i made dreams sitting with my arms around her. but sometimes it gets hazy...and i can't think of the way we spoke i can't remember how it was when we slept beside each other, just the smell of her hair the tone in her voice when she told me she loved me when she looked eyes barely open sleep deprived into my eyes and told me she loved the way i spoke.

then it was all scrubs and wipes in the shower teeming with the spirit of lions before you know i'm sailing...away and back i can't stay away can't stay out of her vision it hurts my brain.

dreams are mine when i'm with her and she is mine i am a savage reckless jumping cliffs bounding earths left behind by those without those without...her.

everything that is alive begins with her. began with her.

i remember wrapping her arms around me she stood behind me arms around my neck i could smell her skin i planted kisses on her wrists and god loved anything that let her hands move anything that let her be and speak and move. i remember knowing god was jealous he had to be it was all so radiant starlight peirced are skulls and raised us to olympus titans of love and lust and wonder it was all going along moving along telling us it will be alright and we had all the remotes. we had all the detonantors of life in our pockets,in our hands, in the way we spoke shivvered in the cold i kept her warm, she kept my soul warm gave me rise and i was dough for her variations on love. i loved every ounce of every moment of that subtle perfume she called sweat. i loved the taste of her sweat.

when i think about it, tender and alone i am there again going upwardsbeyond the bounds of space and time it all fills sordid tanks and i am rising out of a mountain of dead flesh and lives half lived and coming once again to her arms.

i remember walking down cold streets memorizing the places where the shadows hit her face and made holloween masks of her features. i remember wishing i could hold them forever. bottle and sell the looks of pleasure agony long life and ghosts from the nether world. i could stare for hours tracing every tiny place a shadow hit, a crinkle when the lips turned upwards in a careful smile a peice of hair that fell down across her face when the wind hit us enough force to knock cities apart but we could stand it. we could move through it and around it. all the branches of trees bent it seemed to give us shade when i leaned to light her cigarette i glanced to see who walked behind us.

i think about sitting in the slight shade green grass weaving between our toes cool and alive i was talking to the squirels she was reading comic strips. then we ate apples and threw the core into the canyons where the mud slides we walked back home i left you on your step. you raised onto your tiptoes to kiss me goodbye....i'll remember the look when i said goodbye till the sun sets on all there's ever been to breathe about.

i loved the way you loved me.

2002-11-18 | 3:21 p.m.
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