a boy's first book of stars

filter me one last time into your eyes. push me through the cornea of your life and let me beg to be beg to be awakened by your smile (i can see the world when you lok at me). and then maybe, suddenly, it won't be lonely or loast or without hope for times not lost or not wanted but thrust on us now, thrust on us then. we need a moments peace before we go.

and i can feel the wind, blowing through my apartment walls, sifting sugar in my head (the life of a a post nuclear fallout love junkie) and it makes me feel alright. all right. alright, it's not okay right now, it's always been okay.

so i'm laying on the sofa or talking nonsense at a screen and hoping no one everyone hears and responds telling me all the horrible days thy've had all the bad things that've happened to them.

and blood, rushes through my spine, i can feel my thrid eye rising going to sleep and falling into my life across my eyelids i'm going to sleep everytime i wake up now and it doesn't make sense to live some other way.

it doesn't make sense that it could go the way wind does or trees growing (the way no one has ever loved the grass green on fingertips) and i know you could've made it all okay could've made it all alright and then i'd have been here, one last time thinking things i never thought i'd think going places in the tunnels of my mind.

i am the subway tunnel to you heart.

so then i think of the color of fire and waste my time a little more and think it doesn't matter if it all falls apart all comes together we are going where we love to most and i ma taking the long road.

i am always on the long road. but i am moving. and nothing but the sound of your feet tapping on tile can change that now. nothing i'de want to change it all.

the road to love has no tollbooths, but i'm planting my stare right here, i'm planting my feet this way, glkancing at you through the sky, aznd knowing that no one could ever take that look back, no one could ever lose you in the air if only they closed their eyes anbd waited for something else something better than we've always been given something rather than the wind and the way the water falls away from itself.

i never want it to fall another way than the way it does when i remember what they called you in the rain i remember the dreams they had of you and the way it all made sense of things we didn't know of things we didn't want to need to think about hear about feel unkind for. and i'm unkind for you. at least i was so many times. so many wys and it all doesn't add up to i can smeell your hair falling into my eyes one last time. and i know. know now. you are thew way the world is when a boy first peeks into the future of his life and sees only paradise but knows it belongs only to him for a while.

2003-01-04 | 5:05 p.m.
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