owen and the grace to shut the fuck up

i love the days when you can be awake for hours before mouthing an audible syllable. they're soothing. like a hot bath (or any of the end-of-a-hard-day sorts of things i don't do nearly often enough).

i read that ghandi used to take one day a week and devote it to complete silence. he never enforced it on his followers, it was just for him. i respect that. in some ways it's difficult for me to fathom. having thousands of people who would drink hemlock at your whim and never use it to get people to shut up every once in a while.

he said it refreshed his vocal chords and sharpened his mind. a day spent thinking exclusively without trying to express those thoughts increased your ability to express them when the time came. he also said it gave him time to catch up on his correspondence.

silence is definitely something i struggle with when among groups of people.

so i guess here is where i offer my solution. or rather my absolution. my own serenity prayer.

god grant me the serenity to be silent when things need not be said,

the courage to speak when they do,

and the wisdom to know the difference.

i suppose looking back it has always been a matter of principal for me. i have always lived by what ella wheeler wilcox said:

"to sin by silence when we should speak out makes cowards of men."

at any rate, i never fail to speak out.

i'm listening to owen right now. it's really mellow. i'm enjoying it a great deal. it gives me the sensation of falling down in a waterfall. just being, for a second, one tiny fragment of a whole river falling weightless off the edge of the unknown. it's tender and enjoyable sensation.

i actually have only had it a few days. when i ordered it, the guy at polyvinyl (the label) told me it was everything coldplay tried to be.

to be honest, i don't hear that. a band like coldplay doesn't have it in them to create music as heartfelt as this. as drenched in emotion and leftover thoughts unspoken, unallowed.

the aftermath of an underachiever. what he leaves out. what she doesn't even tell herself. it reminds me of feeling for the first time. not anything in particular, just feeling.

i can't remember when emotions were new, but that must be how it felt.

i'll talk more later.

2002-09-08 | 8:19 p.m.
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