the coastergirl diaries volume fourteen

it was almost dawn when I slipped beneath her sheets. I�d been wide awake for hours now and watchin television and reading and thinking my way into softness on the diving board. she�d fallen asleep, angelic and charismatic (when she slept she made you wonder what it was really like to dream. you�ve never known sleep till you�ve watched her lay, eyes barely closed and breathing almost not at all and her little fingers on her stomach arm stretched over her head in a perfect triangle and fingers in her hair). she�d gone hours ago and I�d carried her upstairs, my porcelain punk rock doll, my little supernova and laid her down. she�d tugged barely awake at my shirt whispering faint as a dewdrop �stay�, but I needed the air. god to have back every time she whispered stay and I needed the air, all the times she leaned over and lisped out a word or two that meant be with me now and I had to be my own man, had to go for a walk, had to think, meditate, find my way to god. and I did that night. I wandered and watched and thought and meditated on the hemisphere glance back me and I knew things now I hadn�t before tonight.

so I thought about her, the way she slept, the way her arms reached around me sometimes. the way her head leaned so gently back when she sat on my lap till her breathing was at my ear, hands on her stomach, soul left dripping into me, telling me the best way she knew (the best way there is) that my being there gave her world a blue tint that blotched out the too bright sun.

so it was near dawn and I slipped beneath the sheets and laid my head across her breast. I could hear her careful heartbeat, perfectly paced to the timing of the world. at that moment the world moved at the speed of her heartbeat. her nipples hardened beneath my ear and I kissed her stomach and knew it would be okay to go now.

I fell asleep head on her breast feeling the air ebb and tide in her lungs. when a man dies he has to know he slept just one night listening to the breathing of the woman he loves. otherwise, why be here at all?

2002-09-25 | 2:56 a.m.
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