let's make the sexual revolution the sexual movement

i can't remember the things that got me started when i was nine or ten. i can't remember the catch phrases i used or the type of gum i loved chewing best. i have only vague remembrances of my first cigarette, my first drink, my first masturbation sessions.

i want it to be the way i never forget sometimes. i want it to be like in movies when you can't help but cry at the right scenes dictated by the slow heartache music. i want it to be so that my life is a series of cheers and claps and laughter and crying for anyone looking on. i want to live the way movies make us feel.

i miss the nobility of living. the nobility of being american or being a housepainter or a brick-layer. i miss when life was honor and causes and attempts to change the world. i miss chivalry and chastity.

we weren't so worn out then. we weren't broken donw by porn mags and maxim covers and ten minute sex scenes from monster's ball. we didn't care if jackie o. swam naked. we'd never see a picture of it.

and then, finally, it all came down and we saw our first view of that sacred treasure, patch of skin, pluch curly carpeting sorrounding the thing we dreamt most about and we ready.

our eyes are tired now. we know what they look like naked. we know how their eyes close at orgasm from age ten.

i never lived through the days when sex was sacred, but i miss them anyway. in my lifetime sex has always been an act of pleasure soley for the enjoyment and satisfaction of each other. we have great goals of being seen as good in bed, creative, worth fucking again.

i wonder if the reason we didn't have that before is not because we didn't care, but because we didn't need to. we didn't need a thousand techniques and venus fly methods and U.F.O. methods and tricks of the trade. just the sight of a naked woman was enough. we couldn't be disapointed because we had no real expectations, only that whatever it was was going to be great. just the sight of a penis was enough to get a woman rolling. she didn't necesarrily need to have her g-spot activated, her clit sucked, her v-spot skimmed by the tip of a finger. we didn't need ky jelly because two people were naked and they'd been waiting their whole lives to see what it looked like. playboy was rebellious for showing breasts, no one had neard of larry flint.

now it's so in out in out learn your job suck this just right lean here try this postition. we're worn out, satiated.

i wonder what it would be like for sex for the sake of sex to be enough. to not need or want strap ons or kama sutra or interactive cd roms for masturbation. when did our imaginations stop being enough?

an old friend of mine had an issue with porn and hated the idea of actually touching herself. she did what alot of women do to avoid what they consider techinacally "masturbating" and leaned under the faucet. she told me she thought about "a guy going down". she didn't want to say words like pussy or cock. she called it her ree-raa. she had no idea what it would feel like but she knew it would feel good.

i remember hearing that and thinking at the time how tragic it was that at eighteen she had never felt it, never known what it was like. had enever seen a penis. now i wonder what it would have been like to lose my virginity years later than age twelve. to spend all that time building up an idea of nothing specific but knowing it would be good. i couldn't be disapointed as i had nothing to compare it to or no idea of what exactly to expect.

but sometimes i think about my friend and i wonder why i know that about her. don't get me wrong, there is some high praise to be laid out for the new openess we have with each other that was not there in older times as it bleeds into areas beyond just sex, but there is a tiny lighthouse part of me that wonders what it would be like to to be nineteen, twenty pulling the clothing from my body not in hot immediate spurts but in complete nervousness and expectation. to not have the newness of nakedness gone and lost. i miss it being enough just to be naked with someone. what i wouldn't give to come home glowing that i had gotten to kiss a girl with no thought as to when or if we'de have sex. i miss making out in cars at drive in-ins. we've traded it for blowjobs in movie theaters and i want my moeny back.

and not this new naivete we force on ourselves that it is enough. when we're honest after sex we think to ourlseves in terms of how good it was. women tell their girlfriends about it, guys smile big as grand canyon for a week if it's good, never call if it's bad.

occasionally, i'll be out and about and i'll overhear people talking about the "sacredness" of sex but i know they don't knwo what it means to have sex be sacred. they take it seriously, yes. it is important to them, yes, but this is not the same thing as "sacredness".

i guess what i'm saying is that i miss our naivete. i miss our lust for lust itself. i miss when things were new until they were ours forever. i miss when the dating game meant finding someone you had things in comon with not body parts you wanted inside you or to put inside of. i miss when sex was a secret we all wanted the clues on how to get but couldn't just hit our DSL and find out every last shred of evidence on the likelyhood of pregnancy twelve to fourteen days after a woman's period ends.

i miss when vaginas were intricate secrets men could never hope to understand until they were married, and even then not fully. never fully. the newness never wore off.

but now we've whittled it away in exchange for new sex postions and better oral sex. i can pick up and cosmo magazine and learn the way eighty five percent of women prefer to cuck a penis.

i lay down naked with a woman and can predict, in most cases almost exactly what she'll do step by stpe and how she'll do it. and that's not her fault. it's not beacuse she isn't creative, it's because by age twenty three or four we've tried everything there is to try sexually and nothing new comes our way after that. sex becomes an act more about having done it, about adding a name to your list so to speak.

i don't know whose idea it was to take sex away from us and make science of it, but i want you dead. i want sex back for all of us. we need it back. even if we don't always want it back. but maybe that's just me.

2002-11-13 | 6:31 p.m.
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