we are the lucky ones

we are the lucky ones. resting here glancing only at the pages we love to try on for size if you could call it heaven we'd be there here now laughing on a cloud playing electric harp maybe still boogie-ing alive and kicking screaming its all passion and movements when we smile laughter is the best sex laughter is the best way out of any time we never want to be in again any day we wish was wiped out strategically by solar satelite guided missiles launched digitally by a button on a desk in norad but we couldl laugh through it all laugh all the way to the bank all the way home everywhere we need to be want ot be is right here inside us right here heaven is a word for laughing in the rain laying naked watching x files typing phrases into the ether space internet invisible livestock of the heart. hell is only the place where no one laughs. no one smiles genuine and glassy eyed on the verge of tears peeing your pants it all goes well when you alugh about it all goes perfect and sweetly i would marry every moment worth laughing for every day i laugh in.

i never want to not laugh again. i never want to forget it all forget what i know so clear as grand caymon waters jellyfish at my feet snorkle in my mouth googles across my eyes watching swimmers poitning at proud colored fish dancing their best in the water of everything that ever was. i know we are the lucky ones here and now not left laying shiftless about scrawling what we love and hate and fear aloud we can all hear the best truths and mean them all knwo when it comes down to a perfect gaze fat man watches a topless woman on the beach pierced nipple mothers reading ann rice fathers stretching glances at tom clancy and john grisham skipping christmas drunkards laughing on the street taxi ride away from new waters one short ride form everywhere where people laugh all the time people wrap their eyes around the sun and glow bright colored and angelic. give me another night and i can laugh until our organs go soft and we need eat no more drink no more just lay low drinking in the sounds of voices of poeples voices cheerful rain on our shoulders sunlight falls away clouds strap our backs with the weight of our clothes walking the el camino across the feilds of spain finding god in a stone beneath a branch where shade resides calmly waiting for you the first time first gasp of first sex could never draw a tear the way a sunset does never make us laugh the way our siblings scattered by the high waves falling over each other trying to escape but with no real fear.

fear is the only thing that kills us. better to be alone and smiling on everything we touch midas touch of laughter everything we touch goes giddy schoolgirl in her catholic skirt not worried about boys or pregnant or school work just laughing asher best friend folds forth from the rest room her skirt tucked into her underwear. her hair frazzled she couldn't get her lipstick right first time to put it on first time to blow your nose in class we all have bugers in our noses if we look hard enough.

i remember being young waking eyes glued shut by sleep "goobers" my mother called them walking blind to wet a washcloth across my face and see again jesus wiped the mud and light fell through eyelids never worth a damn can blind people even cry? do they even need to?

i know no here and perfect sitting breeze at my back i am lucky here and now to be alive be breathing chemicals put together for my lungs to inhale exhale all that matters is waiting on the back porch laughing about a friend who got kicked out of a club for being too drunk. can there ever be a moment not worth smiling grand and lucious across the world and if there were would i want to call it by it's name maybe fall from my cloud nine fantasy and live in a world of drenched mattresses from tears in your dreams crying out loud i made every mistake before i was born now i just want to lay back and laugh about it all laugh about it till i droip dead and fall into the next heaven hell laughter sex tears and smiles in a ziplock bag and put in our pockets to pull out whenthe time comes.

but truth be told i love the tears love the lies love the miracles of getting out of bed and wiping steam from the mirror after a shower. can any other place offer me what i need? if heaven had a name we'd be there waiting on a cloud playing electric harp and dancing to the worst 311 songs and making love meaning it only in the little ways i'd rather smile low head down and laugh later how it all happened so fast how all of life floats by we miss it if we blink we miss it if we wait too long to laugh.

i can see myself subtle sometimes lying in a casket years or months or centruies from now laughing out loud knowing it was all so much fun all such great drama all such a good show god is the best comedian god is the best comedian i can still smell the perfume of the women i've known, still see the way a woman's face looks without make-up and prefer it.

i'd love to bathe in morning dew and moonlight wipe the waves from my head tsunami of relief morning air washes across my face dries my slaty tears and raises me arms above my head into a final laugh to grace it all with newness and remind us why we're here.

2002-11-17 | 3:57 p.m.
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